Luna was curious how this Christmas Break was going to be because she didn’t know if she was staying with her mom this year or if she was going to her dad’s house. She hardly spoke with her dad throughout the year. She wasn’t surprised since he was already distant with her since the last weekend she spent with him but she thought that she was going to be with him. She did miss him, she was worried about him, especially because he told her that he moved to a “bad” neighborhood.
“Luna, you’re going to your dad’s this Christmas. Start packing and make sure to pack your homework.” Well, that answered her questions. Which meant that she was going to see this “bad” neighborhood, but she was used to bad neighborhoods because her mom moved them out to a location where there was a shooting every night.
“Okay, I will start packing. Thanks for letting me know.” Luna said it calmly even though she was asking herself if she really wanted to go to her dad’s. Why does she have to go to her dad’s? Can’t she just stay home for Christmas? What did he plan for her since he is unemployed… again?
“Luna, you can always say no to going. You could just say you aren’t in the mood and I can tell him you’re sick or something like that.” She admits these are the little moments when she appreciated her mom.
“No, I am just curious about what he has planned since he lives in a quote unquote bad neighborhood, but he also has no job so I don’t know what we are going to do this year.”
“If he doesn’t have anything planned, just come home. You can ask to come home, you know that right?” Can she? Really? She knew immediately how that conversation was going to go, she knew the moment she asked to go home. He will start acting like a child throwing a tantrum about how she didn’t love him and that she didn’t want to be with him and all of that craziness. She hated when he played the victim because she had to remind him that she was the kid.
“I know, I just miss him and I want to make sure everything is okay with him.” She knew that was the wrong response.
“Luna, you don’t need to act like his parents. You are the child, he is the adult. You don’t need to worry about him like that and him making you feel like you have to doesn’t make it better.” She knew her mom wasn’t wrong but the question of did he eat today, what did he eat, has he been making sure he stays healthy?, and more. She didn’t intend for it to happen but ever since he was kicked out of his actual home, he hasn’t been the best with keeping up with his own health.
“I know, but he always tells me and it worries me sometimes.”
“Just don’t make it a habit because you are his daughter, not his friend.”
You are his daughter, not his friend. A line that haunted Luna forever. She wanted to scream because she was her dad’s best friend and she figured that out immediately because he was always telling her everything and then making her swear that she wouldn't tell her mom. The fact is, she was going to be stuck with this problem for a while.
“Can’t I be both?” It was a normal question for Luna, because she wanted her dad to talk to her about her life and maybe talk about all the grown up topics when she was older.
“No Luna, not when it comes to your dad. He needs to be your dad only.” Her mom left her alone to pack. As Luna was packing, she could feel her heart racing and breaths getting smaller. She ran to the bathroom and ran some cold water on her face and neck. She felt herself shaking throughout her whole body, she sat on the floor and just focused on her breathing. She knew if she asked for help, she would be looked at differently from her parents. She couldn’t stop shaking, but the voices in her head were louder than the water. ‘You’re pathetic,’ ‘Why would your dad like you as his daughter?’ ‘You’re my little girlfriend now,’ she felt the tears sliding down her face. She knew she needed to stop crying because she can’t hide her puffy red face to her parents. She didn’t understand what happened but all she knew was that she couldn’t tell anyone about it. Luna went back to packing as if nothing happened with her. She kept her head down until she knew her face was not puffy or that her eyes aren't red anymore.
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