Bad to Worse

Going to school today just felt worse for her, she felt like she should have asked to stay home, but she didn’t.

“Geez, Luna. You look horrible.” She looked up to see Matthew coming to sit down next to her like usual. She didn’t care how she looked because part of her wanted to stay home.

“Thanks Matthew, could always count on you to tell me when I look horrible, after a horrible night at home. Thanks, I truly needed that right now.” She put her head down because she had a weird feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t tell if it was from last night’s news or if the actual news was hitting her and she doesn’t know how to explain it because it’s her first time.

“No, no one came by. I was just told some bad news and I think I am finally feeling what I was supposed to feel last night.” That felt like the best way to explain what was going on with her.

“What was the bad news? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I can just check on you hourly if that’s what you need.” Luna did appreciate Matthew’s friendship because he never pushes her to say what she is feeling or thinking.

“I found out my grandfather passed away.” wow, she said it so calmly it felt like a bad punchline of a joke.

“Oh my god, Luna, I’m so sorry. How are you holding up?” She doesn’t know how to answer the question, not because she didn’t want to but because she was asking the same question to herself. She felt sad but also she felt normal, Luna was confused about her feelings today.

“I don’t know, I just feel all over the place like I wanna cry but I also feel like going back to bed, if that makes sense.” It didn’t make sense in her ears and she was the one that was saying it herself.

“Yes, it does make sense. When me and Marty lost our cousin, I cried while Marty felt calm about the whole thing. Death shows differently depending on the person that passed away but also you as a person, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means you handle death differently.” Wow, Matthew truly knows how to help someone feel like this is normal behavior. She wished she even knew what to say, but she didn't.

“You don’t need to respond to Luna. I didn’t tell you all that to get pity or anything like that, I told you so you can know that what you are probably feeling is normal.” Did he read Luna’s mind? That’s scary because it wasn’t like she was quiet for that long either.

“I didn’t have pity for you, I mean I did but I wasn’t going to be like oh no I’m sorry, I think I am just having issues focusing on how to say things out loud right now. If that makes sense.” Matthew would understand since he said he watched his brother act the same way as her.

“Yeah, don’t pity me. I just wish I could help you more but I know I can’t.” Can’t?

“Why can’t you? I mean I know I am a problem but I wouldn’t say no to help.” She knew why it was ‘can’t’, she didn’t want to give her friends any of her problems. After dealing with her dad’s problems, she swore that she wouldn’t do the same to anyone else unless they say so.

“Luna, you can always count on me no matter what is happening. You are one of my closest friends, I would hate knowing something is going on with you and you didn’t tell me.” Well, she wasn’t expecting that. She was expecting just an okay, not a whole inspirational statement about her hiding herself, she felt like it was easier than asking for her.

“Thanks Matthew. I know I don’t have to thank you but with how I am feeling today, hearing you say that made me feel a little better so thank you.” She had to lie to end the topic, she didn’t want to talk about this anymore, she didn’t even want to go to school but it was better than her staying home or worse having to go to her mom’s job when she doesn’t know how to handle her feelings.

“I’m glad. Don’t forget we have auditions after 4th period.” Auditions?? Auditions…auditions, RIGHT! Crap! Drama club’s auditions for this year’s show are today. Luna was in no shape to be singing or dancing, acting she can do all day everyday perfectly, she learned well from her mom and dad.

“Totally! How could I forget?” Making it completely obvious that she forgot.

“You forgot and now you are panicking?” Again with the mind reading! Matthew needs to stop doing that, it keeps freaking her out. Like what kind of Professor X Mutant is Matthew?

“Kind of…with everything happening it slipped my mind. Maybe, I will try out next year, I just don’t know what to do for a song right now.”

“Sing what is in your heart right now, show your emotions in the song. Bonus points if you start crying while singing. I just don’t want you to give up before you start.” She looked at him and she could tell he was serious which meant she had to think of a way to tell he was serious meant she had to think of a song at the last minute to practice.

“Fine, I will figure it out.” Once she said that, it hit her. The song she will sing, she was worried because it was a Spanish song.

“Good! You are one of the best singers I know, next to Heather of course.” Luna didn’t mean to roll her eyes but she couldn’t stand Heather. Heather was the literal definition of spoiled princess. Luna looked like trash next to Heather but to be friends with Matthew she had to be nice to Heather. Luna didn’t know why Heather so much, she’s okay looking but it’s whatever.

“I think I already know what song to sing, but the thing is…it’s Spanish. Do you think that’s going to be a problem?”

“I doubt it, but can I hear a sneak peak of it?”

“Sure, but let’s wait till we are in the hallway.”

“Okay, so excited.” He truly is happy to know that she is going to sing a song. As the last 5 minutes took 5 hours, she heard the bell ring and all she saw was Matthew’s face light up like the 4th of July.

“Alright Luna, start singing. You need to practice the song.” Matthew was acting like a child. She was getting ready to sing when she saw Oliver walking by, it made the song fit even more.

“Okay, so the name of the song is called No Me Ames, it’s by Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony.”

“Ohhh, JLo!” He had no idea that the song was a very sad song.

“Yo te quiero tanto/¿Y porque será?/Loco testarudo/No lo dudes más/Aunque en el futuro/Haya un muro enorme/Yo no tengo miedo/Quiero enamorarme”

Matthew’s jaw was pretty much on the floor, he never heard her sing in another language. She knew this song like the back of her hand, she didn’t know why but when she sang this song, she felt like she understood what she was singing.

“Wow! Luna, that was amazing! If you sing this song at the auditions, you will definitely get a spot in the show.” She didn’t want to sing this song in front of a bunch of people, but also she didn’t want to hear the line of having a backup song because they didn’t want to hear her singing a guy singer’s song.

“I guess.”

“Luna, you have to keep going. Don’t give up on yourself because your feelings are being weird.” She didn’t understand what that meant but also she did understand what that meant.